The Health of Our Relationships — with Ourselves

Have we gotten so out of touch with ourselves that we need a list compiled by some “authority” of the ten things one should never tolerate in a relationship????

I love being reminded of the simplest, most straightforward things:  “Happiness begins with me,” “I am what I think I am,” and “We are one.” But do I really need to be told not to allow others to be mean to me? I believe we inherently know what is best for us in our relationships. We all know it’s not okay to hurt someone, but does that include hurting ourselves?

I Am My Own Worst Enemy

It’s my relationship with myself that needs constant attention, and it’s the one I constantly take for granted.

For instance, if you tell me something positive, like that my outfit is cute, I don’t allow myself to believe you unless I already feel it is cute.

But if you tell me something not-so-hot, like “I think you’re book is small and simple” (and not in a good way), then it doesn’t matter whether that is true or not. I instantly become a little kid scolded, because, even though I had fun writing it and I love the outcome, it certainly isn’t good enough if YOU don’t see it as I do.

My cat Kali eats better than I do. She gets more compassion and loving embraces than I give myself. When she talks I listen intently, trying to decipher her needs. I can, however, totally ignore the best advice and treatments for myself when those actions require a little work, a little slowing down, a little thoughtful contemplation before plunging ahead. I can thoughtfully plan out Kali’s meals for the week, then wind up stuffing my face with crap at the last moment when I’ve neglected to create something beneficial before I’m too hungry to avoid unhealthful options.

What Does it Take?

It takes constant work and reminding myself that without me, Kali doesn’t get all that love and attention. It takes me never giving up trying to do better for myself. We work diligently at our other relationships:   work, friends, family. Why not put ourselves ahead of the pack?

It’s not that we don’t know better. It’s that, in this day and age, it’s easy to forget that we require the same kind of fuel – love, compassion, understanding – to keep going, to keep doing the same best we do for others.

Consider this a momentary nudge:  take that class if it nourishes you, lose that weight you’ve been bitching about for the last decade (like I have), enhance that relationship or move out of it – once and for all. Do this as a kindness to yourself. You deserve it just as much as Kali, your job, or any of your loved ones.