What Are We Meant to Do in This Time?

Seriously? I got nothing!

I sort of snapped when I read about the guy who ran a marathon in his apartment during this shelter-in-place time. I mean, c’mon! You’re making the rest of us slugs-with-good-intentions people look really bad.

I can’t even focus enough to read one fluffy junk novel! The other day I drove my car around the block, you know, to keep it functioning, and I felt like I’d left the planet and landed somewhere else in the solar system. I felt disoriented and a little scared. My eyes wouldn’t track, I drove like a passenger rather than a driver, and I wasn’t even positive I could find my way home.

In my five weeks at home, I’ve got darned little to show for all this solitary time. What have I been doing with my time? Yes, I watched the entire sixth season of Bosch, but that only took up ten hours. And I completed a jigsaw puzzle. I’ve done some writing but no more than usual. I also figured out how to use FaceTime and Zoom, which I only log onto once a week for meetings.

It’s probably already too late, and I don’t wanna

I better get my tush in gear if I don’t want to waste the next few weeks while I’m still forced to stay home. I need something greater to show for this wasteland of nothing but time. I continue to read about whole plays written, complete sweaters/baby blankets/shawls knitted or crocheted, foreign languages learned, and lyrics written for Mozart’s entire Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. If you’re one of these motivated and inspired people, I’m happy for you … seriously! But that isn’t me.

Why does the prospect of dredging up a dog-and-pony-show of accomplishments feel soul stealing?

My purpose awakens

Then it occurred to me – in the midst of feeling horrible for not wanting to dance, create, read intellectual journals, etc. – my To Do list should include one main thing. I only have one job these days; one task to complete before we’re all given the “okay” to go about our regular lives.

My one raison d’etre is to get to the other side, safe and sound.

All I need to accomplish is to make it to the end of this pandemic in one piece. That’s my goal and my focus. Anything else is purely a bonus. If I do part or all of that paint-by-number kit I bought, if I reorganize even one of the cupboards in my kitchen, or if I increase my workout program from nothing to something, than that’s outstanding but not a requirement to survive this whole thing with extra points.

Doesn’t it make sense that staying safe and healthy and somewhat sane should require the majority of our energy as long as COVID-19 is in our path?

You too?

Do you feel some of this too? Don’t compare and contrast your accomplishments or lack of them to me and mine. There’s plenty of time to focus on the finish line, the brass ring, and the checkered flag.

Isn’t getting to the other side of COVID-19 the penultimate prize?