I’ve got a big birthday coming up soon, and this lighthearted and uplifting piece on Susanne Fletcher’s Wuthering Bites blog caught my eye and made me smile. It’s a powerful piece with great advice to make our senior years happier. ~ Antonia
- Buy a coffin.
- Put the coffin in your living room.
- Fill the coffin with clothes that don’t fit, books you’ll never read, lists of people you don’t talk to anymore, every regret you’ve ever had, all your lost dreams. Add a picture of you at 28.
- Stop plucking the hairs on your chin. For fun, see how long they’ll grow.
- Stop gluing down the three hairs on your left eyebrow that poke out like past sins.
- Burn your 36 DD bras. Fly free.
- Stop buying self-help books. If you own any, add them to the coffin.
- Do 10 squats a day so you can get up and down off the toilet when you’re 70.
- Eat bread and pasta and potatoes and white sugar and milk chocolate if you want.
- Walk outside, not on a treadmill. The treadmill is a symbol. So is being outside.
- Give your better angels a voice and tell the bitter bitches who talk over everyone to f**k off. Better yet, throw the bitches in the coffin.
- Obsess about now.
- Practice listening to your dog, your cat, your budgie, your goldfish and then go listen to your best friend.
- Talk to people the way you talk to your pet. Chances are if you say “Who’s a good friend?” they’ll beam with pleasure.
- Look up at the sky and not your feet. The view is better.
- Practice what you preach.
You can reach Susanne Fletcher at
firstname.lastname@example.org and at her website:
Ha, Ha! A funny reminder not to take ourselves and our stuff too seriously. However, if I had 36 DD boobs, I’d flaunt them in expensive bras. As things are, I’ll just bind my poor excuses close to my body, as they don’t fly so much as they flop. Cheers!
I LOVE your humor, Christine!